Hello friends!
I just saw that I have not posted a single blog post for the entire year and it makes me feel kind of sad and ashamed. Every video I say, "I run the blog called Mrs. Midwest," yet I haven't really run this blog at all this year! So to make sure we do not go an entire year without a post, let's write a sister post to go with my new video on feminine character and personality. If you want a more in-depth look at this topic, please watch the video and also leave a comment over there!
So to set the stage, let's begin by explaining what I mean by "personality."
Firstly, we must acknowledge that there is a difference between feminine "character" and feminine "personality."
Character is a set of morals, beliefs, and actions by which a person lives their life. It encompasses whether someone is responsible or loving or if they're downright rude and lazy. Character is our moral approach to life while personality is just how we are born and inherently how God made us. Personality is neither good or bad: it is neutral. You can be quiet and kind and you can be quiet and mean. The quietness is not an issue, rather, the character that you apply on top of your personality is the issue.
I think a lot of times people mix up character and personality.
Sometimes parents will unfairly expect their quiet child's personality to transform with age, maybe even criticizing quietness or introversion as a malleable character flaw when really, that is just a set of personality traits. Likewise, you can mistake character for personality as many often do, defending rude and biting sarcasm as "that's just my personality" when the reality is that no, you just have an insensitive character.
So when we look to feminine character as I've discussed a lot on my blog and in my videos, we will see the characteristics of being nurturing, fostering beauty, creating warmth, and generating hospitality and inviting dynamics. This can be through appearance by leaning into a warm and beautiful appearance, or by taking care of our homes and lives in an orderly fashion to avoid chaos and disorganization. Bringing beauty is something that can be done in relationships, our homes, or our appearances. Furthermore, feminine character includes indulging in creative endeavors to create and explore possibilities. I like to do this through decorating, but many people enjoy doing this through cooking or working out or creating fun events for others to enjoy.
Notice, however, that all of those characteristics have no relationship to one's personality. Rather, I think some personalities may be more naturally attuned to some qualities of femininity, like a sociable bubbly girl may be more at ease with the feminine quality of bringing warmth and nurturing hospitality to others, or perhaps a quiet and passive person may find it easy to listen and be laid-back with things.
That being said, I think we can often confuse some women as having more naturally "feminine" personalities simply because their God-given qualities easily reflect a stereotypical feminine persona. For example, a quiet and soft-hearted woman who has a personality like Snow White or Sleeping Beauty may be seen as more "feminine" than a girl who is bold and loud, but in my video and in this blog post, I would like to explore why that is NOT the case.
To build on this idea, we must accept that God has made women diverse.
He did not imagine us all to be the same, and there is good reason for that. I believe that applying femininity and good character to your life will yield differing results depending on who you are internally.
Much like how a man reaching his maximum masculine capacity will look very different depending on who he is, the same is true for women. We admire perhaps a brainiac man who is the best in his scientific field, using his mind and skills to perform great feats just as we would admire a Spartan warrior from ancient times or a Navy Seal. A charismatic businessman in polished suits slinging deals and heavy financials is achieving his masculine journey just as much as a man who works with his hands and is an involved father. It's all masculine, it's just different versions of it. With this lens, we can look at women and see how femininity can be manifested in a myriad of ways.
It's so silly to get caught up on displaying femininity in a singular manner, ranking feminine traits as higher or lower depending on personal biases. I personally am so sick of seeing comments on my channel or other femininity channels saying "you're my FAVOURITE femininity influencer because those other ones just BLAH BLAH BLAH." Can we stop ranking and comparing women, please? We are all diverse and different for a reason. Maybe I'm a little louder and free-spirited compared to other girls who are organized, soft and elegant. That's amazing! But we don't need to be compared! We have different manifestations of femininity in our personalities and that's a GOOD thing. We can offer different flavours and perspectives to a topic that is so abstract and wide-ranging that we NEED to have different viewpoints.
So let's dive into what I mean by this.
In order to properly organize my thoughts, I created a matrix to describe feminine personalities going from loud to quiet and bold to soft. When we look at these elements together and how they combine to create personality, I think it becomes clear how this all works.
So this matrix works pretty much the same as other times I've used it for fashion or hair, but basically, you can be anywhere on this quadrant, even the very center, as a blend of the personality traits, but we will be looking at more extreme examples today to truly illustrate the point.
So I'm sure from these visuals, you can see where I'm headed with this. Quiet would be introversion and loud is extroversion. Soft to bold is a little more complicated, but basically it means your passivity. Passivity does not mean that you never ever stand up for yourself, but it does mean that your desires and motivation is influenced by others or external influences while the "bold" types are more driven by internal beliefs or desires. For example, a soft type may be conflict-avoidant while a bold type could be conflict-welcoming!
As we go through the types, this may become clearer, but I want to emphasize my earlier point that none of these are "good" or "bad" traits. They're neutral, simply terms and definitions we can use to analyze and characterize personality.
So let's dive in with the first category: quiet and soft.
What do I mean by quiet? Well, basically, more introverted. It doesn't mean they never speak, but these types are fine without being around a lot of people and usually don't fight to be center stage. "Soft" here relates to passivity or willingness to keep the peace. They may prioritize the needs of others over their own and find peace in literal peace, as in, they prefer to get along. Some may be dreamy and creative while others could be maternal and nurturing, but most of these girls have a soft and feminine aura that sometimes gets interpreted as having a "feminine personality."
The natural passivity and quiet spirit absolutely translate to a feminine impression, but that does not mean these types don't have anything to work on. Unfortunately, these girls can sometimes fail to have their needs met, because they prioritize the desires of others. They could attract controlling or narcissistic relationships or friendships due to their peacemaking demeanor and also need to watch out for victimization and martyrdom. It's easy to be taken advantage of when you have such a sweet interior, so it's important to prioritize your general needs and desires.
Case study examples would be women like Pam from The Office. Pam was in an unfulfilling relationship with Roy for almost six years and struggled to follow her true desires or have the courage to step outside the box. She struggles with being ordered around by others and sometimes faces a Cinderella-syndrome of being a victim to the whims of others. These types of girls benefit from taking charge of their own destiny and being willing to ruffle feathers, even when it's uncomfortable.
Mind you, they need not stray from their natural core while also pursuing their desires. For example, Cinderella eventually stood up against her family and achieved a better life. But she still maintained her signature grace and sweet heart by not seeking revenge against her step-mother. She did something unnatural for her personality while also remaining natural to her personhood.
Moving forward, we can look at soft and loud.
Are soft and loud girlies just always yelling?
Well... kind of LOL!
These types are the "main character" girlies and the golden retrievers of this matrix. They're optimistic with a big heart and seek adventure, fun, and the company of others. They may be dreamy and a bit disorganized or free-spirited, but they can also have a strong desire to pursue their dreams or the greater good. Their desire to please others often results in large friend groups and they naturally have a knack and penchant for hosting, hospitality, and generosity. Creative and maybe even quirky, these types can unfortunately be pigeonholed into the "manic pixie dream girl" and may even be misunderstood by their female peers.
I relate to this type a lot in the sense that I am generally a person who loves people and I like to entertain and connect with others while exploring creativity and dreamy whimsy. Types like this can struggle with losing their sense of self by trying to please as many people as possible, and may even fall into the trap of being naive or immature with their desires and dreams. Their chaotic free-spirited can also unfortunately translate to general disorganization, making day-to-day goal setting and chores difficult.
Furthermore, having a big heart and a penchant for optimism is great, but sometimes it exposes you to heartbreak. Maybe in their willingness to please others or get along, they could misjudge character and end up in bad friendships or situations.
Taking Barbie from the Barbie movie as an example or Elle Woods from Legally Blonde, both these blondies got into trouble when their fun bubbly lives seemed to crash all around them. They had to fight against their peers and do some uncomfortable things in order to achieve their dreams, and stepping against the current is not easy for these types who like to be LIKED. But as is the case with each personality type, sometimes you will achieve your biggest victories by going against your nature when the time calls for it.
Moving on, let's go to loud and bold!
What does this mean? Are we saying these girls are stubborn and obnoxious? Are they bullies or villains? Well, unfortunately, a lot of women who fall into this category are portrayed as villains, and yes, some actually are bullies.
I think this is one of the most misunderstood feminine personalities because people misinterpret a woman standing her ground or being rigid in her goals as somehow being villainous. Women who say "no," women who refuse to meet the status quo and women who aren't keen on pleasing everyone else are seen as malevolent creatures.
But as a person who personally identifies in this category of women, I would like to argue that it is not villainous or masculine for a woman to have a bold and strong interior life. Having confidence, opinions, and high expectations for oneself is a positive thing. Women do not have to be smaller or weaker or more passive in order to be feminine. You can have strong confidence and still be a good listener! You can have a strong set of moral beliefs and goals and still get along with others.
Just as I said about character and personality being separate, having these traits does not mean you are immoral or cruel or wicked. If you apply a bad character on a loud and bold personality, sure, it may be more obvious that that person is wicked: they'll just tell you straight-up how they feel! In fact, I think it's harder to tell when a soft and quiet woman has a bad character because it's more concealed from the world. At least these girls are upfront with who they are, and that's often what draws people to them.
I like to think this combo is incredibly charismatic as well as strong and daring. These types are created by God to be this way, and we should not seek to change their core. If you fall into this personality type, perhaps you feel disenchanted by femininity content because it feels like the total opposite of your personality. And if we look to the Cinderella soft and quiet types as an example of "feminine personality" then sure, that is actually on the exact opposite isde of the matrix from you.
But don't fret. Being bold and having a hard interior is not masculine. In fact, you are and should be an inspiration to other women to stand up for your needs and desires. Because when applied properly and in an effective manner, these types of women are literal earth-shakers. They are the top of their field and often women who set the stage for others to enjoy life through hosting social engagements or pursuing positive change for women.
I admire many women who are like this and again, I relate to this type a lot. I don't think I could have ever gotten on YouTube and said what I've said over the years if I did not have the unshakable core of a bold and loud woman. Say what you want about me, but I refuse to be quiet just because other people tell me to. And maybe that's what's surprising about me and a lot of other traditional homemaking creators online: we won't get in line like a little Cinderella and that angers society. They even say we're not really traditional or feminine because we're online! But that's just a tactic to silence women and I won't stand for it.
Character studies of this type are often the bullies in shows or movies like Blair Waldorf, Amy March, or Jane Austen's 'Emma,' but many of these characters are misunderstood. I like to look to Princess Jasmine from Aladin or Elizabeth Swan in Pirates of the Caribbean; women who fight the status quo while retaining a feminine and sweet aura as well. Even characters like Hermione Granger who is so studious and ambitious also fits this category.
They don't need to physically fistfight you to end up on top, but they refuse to change their dreams or desires to please the people around them. Perhaps it's difficult to imagine a "fighter" personality type like this as being feminine, but I urge us to expand our worldview of femininity because God CREATED MANY WOMEN LIKE THIS BY DESIGN! And they have femininity! We do not need to be quiet and change just because we don't act like Sleeping Beauty.
Of course, things to look out for with this personality type would be putting your foot in your mouth by an overly honest or unkind word, cough cough EMMA! Or being too ambitious and hurting your relationships.. HEY AMY MARCH FROM LITTLE WOMEN! lol! I could go on and on, but basically, try to walk in kindness and don't be abrasive and everyone will be able to enjoy your queenly presence.
Alright, and finally, we will end off with quiet and bold.
I use the word "bold" but "hard" would also be a good word to describe the interior rigid core these women have. They are not driven by the desires or beliefs of others but rather seek to pursue their own beliefs and dreams.
Quiet and bold girls can come across as being "black cats" to use TikTok lingo, or rather a type that takes a bit to warm up to you. They don't pretend to be something they're not and are okay being a lone wolf. Their introversion may cause them to appear guarded while their bold interior could come across as unbending and rigid, but I think these types are admirable.
Of course, we have examples like Lisbeth from The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo whose icy exterior matches her interior, but even there, we have a fighter who has a heart for justice and loving others. Characters like Elsa from Frozen also match this, where she is guarded and intense, and her journey to self-realization includes vulnerability and relying on others. Like loud and bold, these types can be interpreted as bullies until you get to know them, think Rosalie from Twilight, but I think their layered complexity is what draws people in.
These types do have difficulty in allowing others close, but that is not a good or bad thing. It is merely a neutral personality trait. Just as the loud and bold girly may need to watch her mouth and the soft and quiet girly needs to stand up for herself, this type needs to let people in. Taking a page from the loud and soft main character types like Anna from Frozen or The Little Mermaid, these types could afford to let more people in. Being guarded from the world is all good until you actually need help or support from a community.
Looking at Katniss Everdeen for example, we can see that she has a warm heart willing to sacrifice everything for her family and the greater good. Her rigid beliefs help her stand up against the Capitol and her independence makes her resourceful and successful. That being said, Katniss learned to let Peeta into her heart and achieved a happy family by the end of the series. Don't be so afraid of other people that you miss out on an amazing part of God's creation: relationship and community!
Finally, I'd like to briefly touch on the "blends."
I myself think I'm a blend of soft and bold but definitely on the extroverted or "loud" side. That's why I like this matrix so much: it leaves room for a ton of nuance and diversity. Maria from the Sound of Music is of course extroverted with a strong core to withstand the mean nuns and the harsh Captain VonTrapp, but she also has a softness to her where she is dreamy and optimistic (what will we do with a problem like Maria?)
Looking at Bella Swan, she is quite passive compared to a bold and quiet character like Rosalie, but she's not quite a Cinderella where she is also pretty rigid with her desires and doesn't always please people... poor Charlie Swan LOL!
So if you find yourself relating to a few different types, that's totally legitimate. I'm sure people even find themselves in the middle of this matrix, maybe a blend of everything!
Please tune into my full video for more information and discussion on this topic, but in general, I hope you feel inspired to lean into your full personality of how God made you, maybe with a bit. of smoothing of feminine characteristics while also keeping an eye out for the rougher edges that need shaping.
Love you guys!
xoxo,
Cait
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