Hello my dear!
I just wanted to stop by to share some things that have been on my mind. As you know, life is changing very quickly for us, but it's more than that: I feel like I'M changing.
I wanted to be honest with you today to let you know that I deeply love this work and deeply care for all of you, but I'm also struggling to stay motivated with my Internet presence right now. I am just so distracted and interested in our future and my future as a mother, that it's hard for me to step into the world of femininity and commentary right now.
Part of the reason I love making advice videos and blogging is because I've done so much personal growth in my own life, and I just want to share everything I've learned. I am a total investigator, a researcher, and a prepper: anything I'm interested in becomes something I have to know EVERYTHING about.
When we got married, I had our entire wedding planned out in a binder, down to the minute. When I began homemaking, I worked towards becoming the best homemaker I could be, reading and learning everything I could from seasoned homemakers online. When I wanted to give myself a makeover, I spent years diligently following haircare routines, diets, and fashion advice to improve, patiently making the changes one at a time. And I guess it shouldn't surprise me, but now that I'm going to become a mother, all I want to do is research, prepare, plan, and get ready for this big change!
I know that I will never have this time in my life back again-- these few months before becoming a mother. I will never have my first baby bump again, my last moments with my husband before we become parents, or the quiet afternoons before the flurry of motherhood. This quiet and preparatory time in my life is actually a once in a lifetime experience.
But at the same time, I also feel that my YouTube and blog are ALSO a once in a lifetime experience. I never planned or expected to have so many sisters in an online community. I never even dreamed of garnering subscribers on YouTube, let alone over 150k of them! I still remember what it was like when I broke 500 followers on Instagram. It still feels surreal to be where I am.
This adventure feels like a totally crazy thing that I don't deserve, and even something that might disappear one day. Topics could dry up, people could decide to not read or watch anymore, and I could lose all relevancy. And that's okay! But because it feels all so fleeting, I feel I need to soak it in as much as possible, to use my platform in the best way I can, and to touch as many lives as I can.
And this is why I've been stressed: I want to continue to be the best blogger I can be, but it is so difficult because I am EXTREMELY distracted! All I want to do is nap, think about my baby, plan out his nursery, read about breastfeeding, and research ways to improve my own physical and mental health so I can be the best mom ever.
So yeah.
I don't want you to feel sorry for me or anything, but I felt like I owed you an explanation as to why things seem so dry around these parts. I promise I'm still here, I promise I still care, it's just that I also care very deeply about my baby, and he's occupying almost all my thoughts LOL!
So... this isn't a goodbye or anything like that. It's just a short "Hello! Yes I'm doing good, I'm just really distracted lol!" So I hope you are doing well and that you can hang in there with me. I have received the kindest emails and messages since getting pregnant, and I am already confident that you understand, but nevertheless, please know that I am thinking of you all as well!
xoxo,
Cait
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